Amid massive expenditures being booked on fat, mad weddings, a section of young men and women have opted for simple marriages. In certain cases, the savings go for quick post-marriage Umrah journey or donations to good causes, reports Babra Wani
In 2023, Ahmed’s family decided that it was a perfect year to hold their son’s long-awaited marriage. They called him to plan the discourse. Ahmed had just one answer: “I want a very simple marriage ceremony without any pomp and show. Please refrain from fazool kharchi.” This statement of Ahmed prompted the parents to reconsider their plans.
Ahmed, a corporate official had decided early on that he would not let his “big day” become a circus. “I did not want there to be a big fat wedding,” Ahmad said. “I have always wanted it to be an intimate affair – with our immediate families, and just everything very minimal. I didn’t want any kind of show off with anything.”
Ahmad’s marriage went just as he wanted. “It was a very simple affair; I didn’t even invite my friends. I told them that I’d treat them later to a good meal. I along with my father, my uncle and my brother went to my wife’s home. We just drank a glass of juice there and brought my bride home. I did not even want her family to spend anything for us.”
After their marriage, Ahmed and his wife planned a dinner for their families. “That is how we celebrated our union, simple, subtle, beautiful and we even donated to different causes across the world,” the couple stated. “Marriage is a very sacred affair, it should not become a burden for any party involved. Why spend lakhs just for a day? Why not use that money for any other activity or any other purpose.”
While Ahmed said no to a big fat wedding, Amir could not.
Extravagant Weddings
For Amir, a resident of South Kashmir’s Anantnag when he got married in 2017, his family went all out to celebrate their child’s marriage.
“My marriage ceremony was a celebration in a true sense,” Amir remarked. “My parents spent every ounce of their energy and every penny of their savings to celebrate my marriage. There was everything, and everything top notch.”
But, he asserted, “I regret it I mean spending so much because now after two years of that celebration, we still have some loans and debts to pay, and it is frustrating. Had I known how burdening it would be, I would not have let my parents go out of the way for the celebration.”
Just like Amir, Zaira’s wedding ceremony became a burden too, when Zaira’s father Ghulam Nabi decided to lend a hefty amount of money from his acquaintances to fulfil the extra expenses.
“I asked my father to not go beyond his capacity, but he had this pumped-up desire that the marriage of his daughter should become an example, but now he is struggling to pay back the debts,” Zaira said. “It is emotionally overwhelming because it is taking a toll on his physical and mental health.”
According to Zaira, the pumped-up desire stemmed from the current societal practices. “If you see I mean there’s a competition going on like between people, kis ke yahan sab se behtar mela lagela, shaadiyan aaj kal mela he ban chukki hain, (who will have the best kind of show as marriages have become shows now.)”
According to a matrimony website survey conducted in 2018, North India had the highest expenditure for marriages (18.6 per cent), followed by South India, West India and East India. In another survey conducted in 2019 by IndiaLends, 20 per cent of loan applications were filed by young people aged between 20-30 years for funding their marriages in the year 2018-19.
However, the scenario is changing now. With newly found awareness, people especially youth are now taking to simple means of marriage.
No Extravagance
When her cousin got married in 2014, Tahira, a resident of Srinagar was taken aback. “There was so much pomp and show that I could barely blink my eyes,” she admitted. “I was of a marriageable age too, but the kind of jewellery dresses my cousin had, I could not even think of. The financial situation of my family was not that well and I thought to myself what will my father do?”
The question dawned upon her just like a realisation and she made up her mind that she would not buy any extra jewellery; she decided that she would not be demanding anything unnecessary from her father. “It struck me how this extravagance or like our of the way some people go on their marriages, how much and how does it affect the psyche of a girl from a poor or middle-class household,” she said, almost rushing with her words. “Because it affected me, I was very disturbed for months thinking about how my father would manage everything, after attending my cousin’s wedding. Then I talked to my father I told him if you wanted to buy anything for me, only buy as much as you could afford and not go beyond your capacity. And that is what happened. I wore abaya as a bride and since I was covered fully, I did not require more jewellery or anything extravagant. Alhamdulillah, my marriage was simple and beautiful and a memorable one.”
It is not just Tahira, but nowadays even people who can afford any kind of expenditure, are opting for simple weddings.
Seven days after her brother’s wedding ceremony, Saiqa, a research scholar got married too. But unlike her brother’s wedding, she did not have big pandals and loads of guests.
Saiqa’s idea was simple; she did not opt for anything fancy neither in her maternal house nor in her husband’s house. “I had very close family members in attendance at my wedding, just very close,” she said. “I did not let my father spend huge amounts of money. The guests in attendance at my marriage had kahwa and kulcha just that, nothing else.”
Saiqa also opted for simple looks and attires for her big day. “I did not call or hire any dresses or makeup artists, rather I bought my dresses online for very minimal amounts, had very minimal make-up on and that’s it,” she admitted. “I didn’t hire any camera people, nothing. We clicked pictures from our phones. Why to have any kind of show-offs?”
Her in-laws hosted a Walima reception and invited Saiqa’s family. “I asked them to keep it as low-key as possible. This was my childhood and conscious decision that whenever I get married I will not go for any kind of lavishness, I wanted my marriage to be very intimate, very particular and even my bridal dresses, I bought my mehandi lehanga for Rs 1500, why spend more? And I even repurposed my aunt’s, my Nani’s dresses because I wanted to have them with me as a blessing, as my marriage was one of the firsts of our generation in our family.”
Seven days after her marriage on her firsaal, when traditionally and culturally a bride’s maternal family goes to pick her up from her in-law’s home and there is a celebration, Saiqa again breaks the stereotypes and opts to come on her own along with her husband. “I did not want any of my families to spend again or make any extra expenditure,” she said. “I wanted to break that circle, even on my mass traawun (a type of bridal shower) I did not go with the traditional way, rather I sat amongst the gathering of women but nobody touched my hair.”
Post Marriage Umrah
Kamil and Sameer, two brothers from Srinagar decided to hold their weddings on the same day. Both of them were posted in high positions in government departments. They both wanted a very simple wedding ceremony.
“We just invited a bunch of our neighbours and family. There was no extravagance, no extra expenditure nothing else.”
Both of the brothers decided to spend the money on preparing for Umrah and after their marriage took their wives and parents for the holy journey.
Just like them, Mansha and her sister were married on the same day too. Both of them wanted same-day marriage because they wanted minimal expenditure and their decision stemmed from strong religious knowledge too. “We thought there was no point in spending Rs 20 lakhs for a ceremony and then spending more in getting gifts or dresses or jewellery, so we kept it short,” Mansha said. “Our idea of getting married is simple and we are very particular that from beginning to the end falls in line with our religious teachings.”
For Mansha’s family since the inception of the marriage talks, they make sure that everything they do is minimalistic; there are no extra expenditures, no pomp and show. “We did not even spend much on the clothes and other things. Even when my brothers got married, we did not take anything from our sisters-in-law. On walima we made sure to celebrate but very simplistically, but nothing more than that, we did not have any other celebration.”
Simple Nikkah
According to Shariah (Islamic law) for the process of Nikkah or marriage in Islam, the primary step is that both the parties involved should be willing. “Haqq e mahr (dower) is very important and it has no limits according to the Shariah,” said Islamic scholar Mufti Asif Habib Nadvi. “But the dower should be fixed following the financial status of the groom.”
Another scholar Mufti Nadeem Ahmad Nadvi asserted that nikkah holds an important and very significant position in Shariah, “According to the Prophet nikkah is His sunnah. And it should be practised. Nikkah is very important as it can be a preventive measure for abstaining from sins. It is the basis of the world and humankind.”
About the expenditure in nikkah, he asserted: “It depends on the financial status of the person, but there should be minimal expenditure because our beloved Prophet has time and again stated that blessed is the nikkah where there is very little spending. But there must be walima. There should be no extra expenditure and nikkah should be performed very simplistically.”
