by Hurmat Altaf
“If you want to identify someone’s character, examine the friends he sits with.”
Hazrat Ali (RA)
This quote has always piqued my consciousness since my tender years, and to go deep down into it, it reflects reality at the ground level. This quote is often referred to because our character develops with the friends with whom we choose to live. If we befriend someone who is wise, then we will definitely become the next wise person in line, and at the same time, if we befriend someone who is no more than an idiot, we should bring it to our consciousness that we will be known by him and will reduce our identity to being nothing more than a fool.
The aforementioned quote by the honourable, courageous, and diligent Hazrat Ali (deduces from the aspect that friends play a significant role in our lives and our character would be looked upon after analysing the people we befriend. So, indeed, we ought to make a prudent choice when selecting our friends in that matter.
Building Connections
A person, when born, finds all the relations built up in his life, be it his parents, siblings, or extended family members who become an integral part of his life, as he is not given a choice in that case. Having stated that, at the same time, in making friends, he is given the choice in choosing his friends, and this is the only relation in which we have a possible course of action to choose, and this relation builds up in our lives, and perhaps it becomes one of the most beautiful relations or perhaps it gives lifelong lessons.
I remember as a child, my grandmother used to say that blood relations are like a string with pearls in it; if the string breaks, there is a possibility to join the pearls altogether, but a friendship is like a pearl; once broken, it would never be all the same, and indeed, now that I am in my early twenties (20s). I realise the wisdom of these words, as in the relationships that we make on our own, we then have to make sacrifices and compromises to build a strong connection and never let that pearl break.
The Power of Similarity
Having stated at the outset that we ought to choose our friends wisely, at the same time. It all depends upon our personal traits when we befriend someone;, have we ever wondered why we offer friendship to the selective people we choose?
It is because we share similar traits with them because, without any sort of similarity, we cannot befriend someone. Although it’s not an absolute rule, sometimes things may differ. It may seem like a paradoxical situation, but friends share similar traits, characteristics, personalities, and values.
This initial resonance forms a comfortable platform from which friendships can flourish, yet it is the diversity within this framework that adds colour, depth, and an element of delightful unpredictability to the relationships we hold dear.
Learning from Friends
As human beings, we cannot expect ourselves to know everything, as there is a need for a companion to view the world with a fresh perspective and broaden our horizons accordingly. A friend is someone from whom we learn novel things by sharing each other’s experiences, and not only that, friends help each other in one’s likings and in fact, offer constructive criticism that helps us grow or prosper as individuals and avails us of developing a strong personality that would eventually make us competent at achieving our long-cherished aspirations.
The Impact of True Friendship
We might have all read the story of friendship in our childhood with the moral, a friend in need is a friend indeed. A friend acts as a beacon of hope who is there with us through thick and thin.
In a similar fashion, nothing is more harmful and dangerous than a fake friend because he is not more than a fair-weather friend, that is a friend who is there with you only when the conditions are favourable, but once something unfortunate happens in your life, it won’t even take them a moment to switch their priorities.
Another facet of this discussion delves into the unfortunate presence of friends who, rather than offering genuine support, leave no stone unturned to let you down or take advantage of your insecurities. This is a personal encounter I have navigated myself, where individuals I held in high regard as my closest companions demonstrated a disheartening side. Not only did they subject me to ridicule, but they also orchestrated an environment that cast doubt on my self-worth, leaving me feeling diminished and dispirited.
After such a wrenching experience, disillusionment then becomes a part of life, but I am reminded of a quote by Robert Frost, which states, “In three words, I can sum up everything about life: it goes on.” Such experiences are important in one’s life because unless you don’t encounter an unpleasant event, you won’t be able to cherish an incredible moment.
I have fathomed the reality that not all friends are unauthentic; there are companions who genuinely care, and first, in the era in which we are living, we should be our own best friends, but likewise, a genuine or true friend is equally important because it serves as a thoughtful reminder that authentic friendships uplift, support, and foster growth, prompting us to cultivate relationships that truly value and empower one another.
Moreover, having experienced both situations, I have had the epiphany that the impact of true friendship lasts a long time and makes you believe in your strengths, and guidance, support, and encouragement eventually become the pillars that mutually contribute to one’s personal growth and success.
Conclusion
Therefore, I would like to conclude with the quote of the benevolent Hazrat Ali (RA), “Be friends with the righteous and avoid the evil-doers; stay away from the hypocrites, and do not accompany the treacherous.” Thus, genuine companionship serves as a remarkable model of genuine camaraderie, loyalty, and mutual respect.
(The author is pursuing a Master of Arts in English at the University of Kashmir. The opinions expressed in this write-up are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Kashmir Life)
