Firsts of the year 2009

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ZAMIR AHMAD

Year 2009 has slept forever in the lap of history. No matter what the nay-sayers say, the Gregorian calendar is deeply spun around our daily lives. Other Calendars are at the most used for celebrating religious festivals and for observing certain rituals. So reminiscing about the bygone year and anticipating the gifts of the new year may not be an exercise in futility as it is made out to be. The year 2009 like any other year contributed to the making of history. In our case, this year brought to us many ‘firsts’ which would be remembered for some time to come. Presented below are few of the illustrious firsts that year 2009 gave us for keeps. For creeps as well.

TERM OF THE YEAR: ‘AGITATIONAL TERRORISM’
GOC-in-Chief, Northern Command, Lt-Gen BS Jaswal (AVSM, VSM) was at his eloquent best when he said that “Agitational terrorism” in the state and not militancy was an issue of concern for the country.” He was referring to the string of protests by the people on the streets over human rights violations in the valley.

Going by the decorated soldier’s logic, all the state government employees are also terrorists since they have been on a warpath with the government since the time it assumed power.

LETTER OF THE YEAR: MADHU KISHWAR’S OPEN LETTER TO YASEEN MALIK
Madhu Kishwar seemingly ended her tryst with our travails when she wrote a scathing open letter to JKLF Chief Yasin Malik. Openly ridiculing Yaseen Malik’s much known views about Gandhian philosophy, she also unknowingly spilled many a beans about her long and enduring tryst with the JKLF Supremo.

The letter was in reaction to Yasin Malik’s candid remarks about the role of civil society vis-?-vis Kashmir. The letter, as it seems, exploded many a myths about the role of intelligentsia vis-?-vis Kashmir issue too.

DISCOVERY OF THE YEAR: ANKLE DEEP WATERS CAN DROWN TWO GROWN UP WOMEN.
Eureka! Archimedes must have tried hard to come out of his grave on listening the assertion by our Chief Minister that the shallow waters of Rambi Ara had in fact drowned the two Shopian women. This was even corroborated by the apex investigation agency’s report that even had made a power point presentation to present their powerful point.

The discovery be a matter of concern for the researchers the world over and could pave way for a Nobel Prize for modern principles of floatation and buoyancy.

JOY RIDE OF THE YEAR: THE MUGHAL ROAD RIDE.
Even as there are miles to go before the last mile is cleared for the much awaited Mughal Road, our chief minister was all smiles when he took a detour from his foreign travels to set foot on this road.

The media campaign that followed the ride was in itself the media campaign of the year. We were told in no uncertain terms that this was for the first time since the Mughal Emperor Jehangir that a “ruler” had travelled on this road. Lest we forget. And a round of applause for the media managers!

FARCE OF THE YEAR: THE EMPLOYMENT POLICY
The hapless unemployed youth were all hopes and had been waiting keenly the arrival of the D-Day. 5th December to be precise. For that was the promised day of ‘Kaya Palat’ for them. But by now, everyone knows that except for the word ‘employment’ there was little else in the policy that merits attention.
And as a matter of ‘policy’  though, the few recruitments the government made during the year were all marred by allegations of discrimination and favouritism.

REPORT OF THE YEAR: JUSTICE SAGEER REPORT
Even though Sageer means small in Arabic, no one had thought the report brought out by the working group headed by the learned former judge by the same name would be as small as small can be .

It is pertinent to mention that the report was supposed to be submitted to the Prime Minister of India in the first place. How it landed in the hands of our Chief Minister and his worthy law minister is still a mystery.

NOISE OF THE YEAR: QUIET TALKS

The less said about the talks the better. It is better to be quiet about the quiet talks or the honourable home minister can become angry and be ‘unhappy’ with me as he was with the Hurriyat leaders when he admonished them for criticizing the CBI investigations of the Shopian incident.

Happy new year!

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