A rebel in the night

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Durdana Bhat

fire

One cold night when storm began to build a layer of dark clouds, I stopped and gazed towards the chinar tree. The branch of that tree, in front of me, were soaked and steeped. And made me to recur, those words someone gifted me: “A branch that doesn’t bend in the wind breaks.” And suggested me, to go with the wind, so that, I will never break.

Back then, I was too dumb to ask questions.”What happens when the wind stops?” He laughed and replied, “Well, then you can go on your own way.”

Looking back now, I realized deep in my heart, was the realization that the biggest test of all was just ahead. Lingering over like a cloud that was oblivious to the wind. I wanted to speak. Speak about my calamities but I didn’t haste. Remained patient, and all I could do was choke on my words.

I wished to go under: to visit the profound depths of my silence. But I failed. Instead, I whirled down to cavern. And suddenly, the wind lifted my hair, and the rain became heavier.

I stopped gazing the branches, blurred my thoughts and went away. That night, I thought I would take charge of my own destiny. I would move faster than the wind. I would bend harder. Death of disappointments was inevitable. In that mad rush of adrenalin, I wanted to defeat dejections at their face. And then, a realisation flashed across. “Hey, amigo” a voice, not-so-unfamiliar shook me up. “Are you the rebel in the night?” I shot back: “No, it is just that, a lost arsenal has finally found its target.”

And then, all voices fell flat. But night was yet to settle down.

The wind left me unscathed, allowed the clouds to free the droplets, which left my query unanswered. While pouring down from my face, suddenly a voice pealed out “the wind has barred, scattered and this will be the end.” The voice seemed to have an endless leisure. Now being frail, I asked “what will happen when rain will stop?”  Nobody answered.

Suddenly, the rain halted. The night became quite, and even more frigid. Still unanswered; with a deep sigh, I conceived that silence is the answer to all my queries. But couldn’t win over and I kept on walking to a fate unknown.

Along with the wind, my house of reasoning consumed fire. And in the foot of rains arrival, fire surrendered its thirst. My query remained agitated and with the sound of rain I became elated…

(Durdana Bhat is pursuing Bachelors in journalism from Srinagar’s Women College) 

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A journalist with seven years of working experience in Kashmir.

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