A living flame

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Durdana Bhat

Knowing-is-the-Flame

Now the last cloud departs. And so, another day begins, carrying me to better things. Asking me, “what was the last dream you can remember?” Again, “Best thing about today?” Yet again went on asking, “What do you want to do tomorrow?”

With a deep breath, I replied quietly, “What dream, what today and what tomorrow?”Gone to the saddest, and I continued saying…

Heed: No sleep, no dream; so much has gooned, so much has been revealed. My pale nights row noiselessly into the sky, and those stars don’t shine now. My rest is too dark to reveal. It is time to cede myself, and I will choose the wind to be delivered to.

Do you know why? Because, I want to whirl with the wind! As there is no life under these slate-grey skies. And then, all of a sudden I ceased my speaking with a head down.

While he kept on asking, question in spates. I didn’t say a word. And then, the bile within made me flee.

Someone told me: “Life has many beginnings”. But I was never so lucky to have new beginnings. Though I could remember, that the finding, losing, forgetting, remembering, leaving…Never stopped and I kept on experiencing life.

I am aghast to see the whirlpool mourning. My eyes are steeped with the lost waves. My timid heart has hit the road. I do regret something from past, “why, I kept on asking?” I am confused. What should I do? Should I return home? Living in regret is a pathetic state of mind.

He said: “Return to a dream, to an unfound door closed upon the past”. And, “Don’t be afraid.”

With a grin I replied, “I don’t remember how to dream the dreams. My dreaming is dreary, my dreams are remembers now.”

In past, I loved the leaves in the open air, but winter has arrived. It’s time for the burning of the leaves. Autumn is long gone. Today, I spend my whole day on bridge with it’s beautiful view, until it went dark.

I kept on wandering to fathom the depths of my innermost folds. But when I grasped life, it eluded. A painful notion was all left. There is nothing good left in today or tomorrow. Today, I breathe the burning leaves. And, all I could find, were ashes.

You know; I am lost as a dream in sleep. My muse heart never divulges. And there I lived amid. And that is all best about today.

I know, my tomorrow will be a darkling sky. And I, a living flame! And rest beyond all—what was, what is, and what will be—remorse.

(Durdana Bhat is pursuing undergraduation in Journalism from Srinagar’s Women College) 

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A journalist with seven years of working experience in Kashmir.

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