There are hundreds of children in various orphanages in Kashmir, where their educational and other needs are taken care of. However, many don’t find any emotional bonding with their families after growing up away from them. Syed Asma reports.
She has striking light blue eyes; eyes that twinkle when she talks about her mother. Like other children, Rehana loves her mother. But visiting her mother does not excite her anymore.
“They have a small mud house. They do not have regular electricity and there is no one to play with me,” says ten-year-old Rehana, “I don’t feel the meals cooked by my mother are tasty.”
Rehana says she had suggested to her family—her mother and brother—to come and settle somewhere around the city but they didn’t agree.
Rehana is from Budgam, and she lost her father when she was five. Her mother sent her away to get good a education but is apparently losing her to this good education.
Rehana lives in a girls orphanage, away from home. The orphanage allows her to stay there as long as she wishes.
The orphanage provides all the basic necessities to her better than her mother could. Her mother spins a wheel to earn a living and her brother works as manual labourer, like their father. The family lives on a meager income.
“Rehana’s father died of a prolonged illness and most of our savings were spent on his treatment,” says Rehana’s mother, Sakeena.
For the last five years, Rehana is living a life different than what she was used to. Psychiatrist Dr Arshad Hussain says that such an environment is “artificial and not real for these kids.”
There are a number of orphanages across Kashmir housing hundreds of orphans. Some of these orphanages are exclusively for boys or girls and some house both boys and girls. These institutions are run with the help of local, national and international donors.
“We have to cater to all the needs of the children we are taking care of. We can’t compromise on their needs, at least the basic ones,” says Zahoor Ahmed Tak, Chairman Jammu and Kashmir Yateem Trust, which runs one of the oldest orphanages in Kashmir that was started by his father, many decades ago.
During the last 22 years of conflict, the number of widows and orphans has increased significantly. These orphanages are helping several children, but to some extent, they are also increasing the gap between them and their families.
“The chances of these children (living in orphanages) getting distanced from their actual environment and relatives are high but that cannot hinder us to provide them the facilities at these centres,” says Zahoor Tak.
These children have no option but to adjust, where else can they go or what else they can do, he adds, an orphanage is not a permanent solution for the problems of orphans but “it certainly is a solution till we get something more effective.”
A girl can stay in an orphanage as long as she wishes to, but a boy has to move to his home after completing his class 10th studies.
“In some cases, the child fails to readjust to his original environment with terrible consequences for their mothers or the extended relatives, in addition to for the child himself,” says a social worker who has worked in an orphanage.
After spending ten years in an orphanage in city, Ahmed had to move to his home after completing his tenth. His mother was living alone.
“Ahmad was 18 and it was his turn to earn and take care of his mother. But Ahmed had a different routine in the orphanage. There were no responsibilities, no burden there. Best things were offered to eat and wear,” a social worker recalled.
“An 18-year-old is legally and Islamically an adult, and the orphanage was not supposed to look after him anymore,” he says.
“But Ahmed saw his mother as a burden. Though he initially tried to earn by working as a labourer, it did not help him live a life he was accustomed while being in the orphanage. He fled to Punjab leaving his destitute mother alone,” he said.
Dr Rouf ud din, a social activist, says it all starts with an emotional gap which eventually leads to an economic gap.
“These children spend more time in the orphanages than with their family. It is once or twice in a year that the children in these institutions are allowed to meet their families, creating disconnect between them and their families,” he said.
Yateem Foundation’s chairman, Syed Abdul Hamid, says he hasn’t come across any such case in his career but does not rule out the possibility of such an eventuality.
“The children in our orphanage visit their families mostly on Eid and sometimes during winter vacation. The children cannot visit home for long as they have to attend their schools and tuition classes,” he said.
Like the other boys in the orphanage that he stayed with, Mohammad Hanief moved to his home after passing tenth. He has a mother and three sisters. None of his sisters are married. His father had died in an accident nine years ago. Hanief spent eight years of his life in an orphanage. He performed well in his tenth class exams, and dreams of becoming a doctor.
“In my center (orphanage) I was provided the facility of private coaching classes but now I can’t afford it and that is creating a problem,” says Hanief.
Hanief’s mother is worried about her son. The family has no source of income, apart from a few orchards that are keeping them from starving. Hanief is insisting on selling one of these so that his mother could afford the expenses of his education (including private coaching classes), and afford to make him a doctor.
“I also want to make him a doctor but not at the expense of his three sisters. He is not ready to compromise. He doesn’t think of his three unmarried sisters,” says his mother Aisha. His mother had planned to marry her three daughters by selling a part of these orchards. “I cannot delay my daughters’ marriages till Ahmed completes his MBBS,” says Aisha. Ahmed’s behavior worries her.
Most of the children in these orphanages come from fairly poor backgrounds but these institutions running on heavy donations, raise their standard to middle class, says Rouf ud din. “The children in orphanages get accustomed to electricity, good clothing and other facilities, which are later not provided by their families, hence the gap increases.”
On average, the expense for each child is Rs 22000 annually. But when the child is sent home, financial support gets reduced to between Rs700 to 1000 a month, or a maximum of Rs12000 annually. The difference in the expenses also creates difference in the life style of the kids.
“After leaving the orphanage, we can only take care of the education expenses of the child,” a social activist associated with an orphanage said. Dr Arshad says that rather than institutionalizing these centers, efforts should be made to reduce these emotional and economic gaps. “The children should be sent home on weekends or every fortnight, so that they will have no chance to forget their actual responsibilities and will not be away from their real environment,” he says.
Dr Rouf also believes that helping the destitute families to bring up their children in their homes itself may be a solution to overcome the emotional gap created by living in an orphanage for years. “There is no need to bring them out of their own dens or to cut them from their families just to have good upbringing. A mother or an uncle or anyone in the extended family can take care of a child, a stranger cannot. What should be our job is to monitor and help,” he says.
(Some names have been changed to protect their identities.)
