Hundreds of men and women from diverse fields of life have been targeted for the ‘flaws’ their bodies have, including some which are the outcome of certain serious health issues. Babra Wani meets a number of these people to understand the impact body shaming has on their bodies and their soul
In 2019, Saima lost her father, which triggered a cascade of health issues. Unintentionally, her body weight began to increase. What made matters worse – her immediate family – those meant to support her, turned into the source of judgment, hurtful comments, bullying, and body shaming.
“My aunt constantly berated me for gaining weight,” Saima said with tears rolling. “Here I was, grieving my father’s death, and his sister taunted me for coping with my grief through weight gain. It fuelled my anguish.” Her body shaming continued regardless of the pain she was fighting.
Body shaming involves humiliating and critiquing individuals based on their physical attributes, encompassing a wide range of aspects, including visible conditions like psoriasis, and vitiligo, or inherited conditions such as albinism. The practice extends to fat-shaming, thinness-shaming, height-shaming, hairiness, hair colour, body shape, facial features, and more, leading to various mental health challenges and self-esteem issues.
The taunting took a toll on Saima. Her self-confidence crumbled, and her self-belief shattered. Once outgoing, she became withdrawn. Gradually, Saima isolated herself, distanced from friends, and admitted, “I developed severe body image issues that wreaked havoc on my relationships and friendships. Most devastating of all, I damaged the relationship I had with myself.”
With time, her self-loathing deepened, plunging her into depression, anxiety, self-hatred, and body dysmorphia, obsessively finding flaws in her appearance.
Saima is not the lone sufferer on this count. Maha shares a similar story, enduring body shaming since childhood, leaving a lasting impact on her well-being and identity.
Stolen Childhood
Beneath a sombre black blanket, we find Maha, a 20-year-old science student. She clings to this black comfort, seeing it as a reflection of her own simple, unadorned, and dampened personality. Maha, once self-assured, now sits in deep introspection, avoiding eye contact, and seeking refuge within herself.
Draped in a drab brown outfit, she clenches her hands, a silent sign of her inner anxiety. Her voice barely rises above a whisper as she musters the courage to speak, “I was born in 2002, and the only years I cherish are the ones I can’t remember – my infancy. It is the only time I was shielded from disparaging comments about my appearance,” she said. “Throughout my formative years, I endured an unrelenting stream of hurtful remarks about my looks.” The memories remain etched in her mind.
“Hurtful names like taarikoot (electric pole) due to my height and comments like ‘a gust of wind will blow you away’ because of my slender build were thrown at me, not by my peers, but by adults – neighbourhood aunties and even relatives,” she recalls.
The barrage of insults and bullying took a toll on Maha’s mental well-being and personal growth. “I have become a timid individual, obediently heeding everyone’s opinions. These experiences have bred body dysmorphia within me. I have come to despise myself and my appearance.”
Maha, sitting beneath her black blanket, silently continues to carry the scars of a stolen childhood marked by judgment and unkindness.
Dysmorphic Disorder
Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) is an obsession with perceived flaws in one’s appearance, magnified in the mind, creating a cycle of negative thoughts and behaviours. It often leads to behaviours like mirror-checking, excessive grooming, and seeking constant reassurance, causing emotional turbulence and isolation.
Dr Yasir Rather, a professor at theInstitute of Mental Health and Neurosciences (IMHANS), Government Medical College (GMC) Srinagar, emphasises that BDD is marked by an obsession with minor or undetectable flaws, leading to persistent negative thoughts and distress. Effective treatment strategies include cognitive-behavioural therapy and medication.
Research indicates that individuals with body dysmorphia are at risk of self-harm and suicide, as Nimra did. She became a victim of bullying, leading to a desperate act at the age of thirteen.
“I wanted to end my life back then, to escape the ceaseless taunts and name-calling,” Nimra said. Bullying and body-shaming eroded her self-confidence, leaving her with severe mental health issues. She resorted to self-harm and extreme dieting as coping mechanisms. Despite her scars, the body-shaming persists.
The Toll
Body shaming triggers a chain reaction of consequences, including depression, anxiety, and potentially serious eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia.
Relentless disparagement about appearance plunges individuals into emotional turmoil, eroding self-worth, and self-perception. It disrupts their social life, fostering isolation and diminished interactions, as well as impacting their personal life, denting self-esteem, and confidence.
“Body shaming takes a heavy toll, especially for women,” a psychologist admitted. “Constant criticism, feeling inadequate, and questioning self-worth leads to feelings of insufficiency and depression.”
Women subjected to this criticism may develop a distorted self-perception, triggering self-loathing and compulsive behaviours, paralleling the journey of individuals like Nimra.
A Deep-Seated Issue
Notwithstanding the perception that body-shamming is a modern problem, the fact is it is too old a malady. Shakeela, a 47-year-old woman, reveals that even in the 1990s, as a young newlywed, she was subjected to body-shaming.
“I was just 17 when I got married,” Shakeela recalls. “Unfamiliar with grooming intricacies, my sister-in-law began shaming my appearance. She insisted that her brother deserved a better wife because he was handsome. Those hurtful words still haunt me.”
Her wedding day, meant to be joyous and unforgettable, was tainted by derogatory comments. “Who are these people to shame others for things they cannot control? Is not that up to Allah, the Creator? He crafts us in diverse shapes, sizes, and heights. He is Perfection, yet we dare to label His creations. Who are we to pass such judgments?”
Male Victims
Body shaming is not exclusive to women; it affects men too. Rahil, a 35-year-old from South Kashmir, knows this all too well. His childhood was marred by ridicule over his shorter stature. “Bullying based on my height was unjust,” Rahil says. “I never revealed how much it affected me.”
Years later, when Rahil embarked on a quest to find a life partner, his height became a major hurdle. “Height was a major concern for all potential matches,” he admitted. But, eventually, he found a partner with whom he had much in common. Unfortunately, on his wedding day, taunts about his height marred the celebration. “I began hearing words that broke my heart.”
The humiliation still haunts him, leaving emotional scars. “Since then, I have prayed every day that my children would be blessed with good height,” Rahil confides.
Rahil and his wife share the burden of body-shaming scars. “We would not have a second life to experience more pleasant moments,” he reflects.
Nasir, a 23-year-old, knows the pain of body shaming too, particularly for his height. “Initially, the teasing did not bother me much,” he admits. “But as I grew older, it began to sting.”
Nasir wanted to join the volleyball team in elementary school but was rejected for being too short. “I was devastated and felt worthless.”
The constant teasing has made it challenging for Nasir to form meaningful friendships. “I often feel like I do not belong with the other kids, as they are all much taller than me,” he said.
Body Shaming at Work
Sara, a 24-year-old professional, has faced a distressing ordeal of body shaming in her workplace. Her colleagues subjected her to weight shaming, and it did not stop there. “I was called derogatory names, and even my family was dragged into it; they too became targets,” she reveals.
Recently, Sara made the difficult decision to resign from her job. “I am prioritising my mental well-being because this was the most traumatic experience of my life. I am left traumatised for life,” she admitted.
Sara’s mother wholeheartedly supports her daughter’s decision to quit her job. “I can’t understand why my daughter should endure such torment, especially in her first professional setting,” the mother regretted. “Is this professionalism? If my daughter had not stopped me, I would have given them a piece of my mind.”
The Hidden Crutch
The onslaught of body shaming and bullying often pushes individuals to seek refuge in beauty filters and applications. Zaira is one of them.
Zaira, who has been a consistent target due to her skin colour and facial hair, openly admits: “I have become addicted to Snapchat, and these beauty filters have become my escape.” She frequently creates snaps and videos using these filters to cope.
Despite her cousin’s deep concerns, Zaira remains resistant to their attempts to reason with her. Her cousin fears that this fixation might eventually leave Zaira heartbroken, as she is living in an illusion.
Unbeknownst to her cousin, Zaira’s obsession stems from her insecurities, a direct result of the bullying and shaming she endured from her peers. “My classmates used to taunt me for having facial hair, labelling me as a ‘man’. They hurled insults like ‘bearded woman’ and made a mockery of me,” Zaira recalled the traumatic slurs. “It was not until I discovered Snapchat. These filters have met my emotional needs, albeit only in pictures, but they allow me to see my face without any perceived flaws.”
(All the names used in this report, except the doctor, have been changed to protect the identity of the people who talked for this report.)
