by Taizeen Khurshid Naqash
Solitude and isolation are painful things and beyond human endurance. Loneliness is the central cause of depression and despair. Self-isolation is never easy, not at least when one is too much social. How often do we see people boasting of their loneliness and isolation? You don’t know what these things actually mean, otherwise you would mourn and not celebrate it!
But when the reason is as strong as Covid-19, this is inevitable and at the same time, pathetic! Knowing that your mom wouldn’t leave your bedside when you’ve fever well below 101°F and seeing her not even coming into your room for days together is hurting beyond any explanation! Siblings are love, no doubt and irritating them all the time is everyone’s favourite hobby, but keeping them voluntarily at bay is a pain, something never experienced before.
Lockdown had made a chef out of everyone but who had thought that entry into the kitchen would once become a distant dream? Things don’t end here! The scene outside the window is disappointing as never before. Trees, shrubs and flowers that once appeared jolly and full of life, now seem dead and devastated, similar to my soul! Everything has come to a halt. As I see life gliding out of me gradually, the surroundings seem no different. Everything is dark, lifeless, cold as snow, yet scorching like the desert sun!
Nothing seems a respite, the dwindling hopes and closed doors make the situation even worse and the irony is; your support (family) is as distant as Mars. But we are never left without companions wherever life takes us. Proton pump inhibitors accompany in the morning, followed by NSAIDs, Vitamin B and C supplements, and antibiotics have become best friends. Masks and sanitizers are now acquaintances since months. Locked up in homes was still fine but being confined to a room is similar to being detained. One’s home is an entire universe. The parks in the lawn are no less than gardens of paradise. Cleansing vehicles and watering plants (which was always more about playing with water rather than actually cleaning and maintenance) is a major missing. It gave me an unexplainable solace and made me forget all the mess in life!
Kitchens are the heart of the home and till recent times, I was its pacemaker. Does kitchen miss me or do I miss it more, it’s really a thought to ponder over. I would spend time in enumerating the colours of my room but to my misfortune, the walls were painted white. So I decided to pick up brushes and colours and paint them myself.
Moving up and down the stairs unnecessarily tens of times a day was a good exercise, it sufficed for the cardio workout, somewhat. But now, the flooring of the corridors and the flower vases placed at intervals are just memories. The mirror placed right in front of the main entrance was always a relief to look at. It welcomed me every day, no matter how harsh the day had been or however gloomy I appeared. The crux of it; I miss every single thing that adds up to make my home, every single entity that my eyes don’t get to look at during this period of quarantine.
Nevertheless as they say, this too shall pass. Every dusk has its dawn. Staying optimistic is a tough job though but let us think of the advent of Covid-19 as a lesson, those who are fortunate shall learn. Isolation and loneliness are major causes of depression and anxiety but also the worst possible counsellors. No desires and hopes nurtured, all that one wishes for at this point of time is health, health that would enable me to fight with my brother again, make me bake cakes and fry momos again, and make me ask my family how I cook (they would always say “it’s delicious” even when I knew in the back of my mind that it wasn’t). I pray for health for me and my family, health that would make me the person again, who I miss like anything.
(The author is a third-year undergraduate student studying in Government Dental College, Srinagar. The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author’s and do not purport to reflect the opinions or views of Kashmir Life.)
