by Raqif Makhdoomi
Modern feminism has sidelined men, normalised stereotyping, ignored men’s issues and contributed to social bias, calling for equal recognition of men’s emotions and challenges.
Be a man
Men don’t cry.
Face it like a man.
Are you even a man?
Start earning, you are a man.
Mard ko dard nahi hota. Men don’t have emotions.
Men are cheaters.
Men don’t understand feelings.
Have you not heard these statements? Yes, you have. The whole men’s community, to avoid being bullied for expressing themselves, has kept their emotions in their hearts, and now their chests have become heavy. In today’s time, men have been cornered just because they are men. “You are a man” is a statement used to shut a man up and make him keep his emotions to himself. In every aspect of life, a man is becoming a victim, and society doesn’t even recognise it, just because he is a “man”.
We all know a movement was run, which has now just become a term: “Feminism”, which was aimed to make men equal to women, but it ended with seats being reserved for women in buses. When the movement started, it came out with the hashtag “#MeToo”, where women started to speak up against the violence they faced. But with time, it came to be known that many incidents were fake and meant only to gain sympathy. But by then, the image of the man targeted in the fake incident had been spoiled, and no apologies were offered. The movement turned into a stage for settling personal grudges with exes or ex-husbands. Degrading men became a day-to-day affair of that movement, and since then, it has become a norm to degrade men as a sign of women’s empowerment.
I fail to understand how society set these norms when this movement for “women’s empowerment” was launched. Either the one who launched the movement had some issue with her boyfriend, or her father didn’t allow her to go on a trip, and she came out with this concept, or the movement was hijacked and lost its track. Whatever the reason may be, the movement ended miserably and left room to call degrading men a form of women’s empowerment. When a woman shouts at a man, she is celebrated, but if a man shouts at a woman, he is called abusive, dominating and vulgar. Feminism has taken a step ahead. Slapping a man is now seen as a sign of an empowered woman, but a man slapping a woman makes him lose his manhood. I fail to understand how society sets these norms.
Had this movement been against dowry, it would have been a successful one. Had it been against the stigma of having a girl child, it would have been successful. Had it been against rape, it would have been successful. But it never focused on any of these.
As it came to an end, it became limited to women being given a seat by a man in public transport, having a separate washroom and getting a reservation in jobs. It did no good at all but made a man look like a de facto rapist, which he is not. Men do not consider women as toys they can use for fun. They love them and can go to any extent to keep them happy and make them laugh. The new Gen-Z word Pookie is widely used for a loved one. Men try their best to be Pookie for the woman they love and still are called “playboy” or “cheater”. The efforts put in by a man are brushed aside by saying, “They do this till they get you, and then they will mistreat you.” But that is in no way true. Men put their 100 per cent into everything, but still are not recognised just because they are “men”.
Another idea going viral on social media these days is: “Don’t marry a mama’s boy”, claimed by those who call themselves feminists. According to them, after marriage, the man must be a complete “yes-man” and not listen to his mother. This is a very weird logic. Women with such a mentality can never claim to be feminists. I call such women “psycho”. How can someone expect a man to completely abandon his mother? That lady raised him to this level, where he can earn, take care of you and take responsibility. And you want him to reject her and be “your man”. For me, this logic is useless. Neither can your husband ask you to forget your parents, nor can your wife ask you to forget your parents. Whoever asks this is showing a complete level of stupidity, and such people should be avoided, because these things hold no logic.
The man’s side is accused of dowry, but have we ever spoken about the conditions that the woman’s side puts? A government job has become a must for getting married. A man must be earning. We never talk about these things because these things have been normalised so much that they no longer look like issues. A woman does not have to fulfil the requirements to get married that a man has to. But we have never considered these things part of the debate because they have been normalised and have become part of our society.
We always talk about women committing suicide because of different factors, but have we ever spoken about men committing suicide? No, never. We tend to believe males are less likely to commit suicide than females, but the figures say otherwise. Males make up 50 per cent of the population but 80 per cent of total suicides. In 2021, the male-to-female suicide ratio was 72.5:27.4, while it was 70.9:29.1 in 2020. The total number of male suicides was 118,979, while female suicides accounted for 45,026. I guess the huge difference in the ratio is enough to stop using “Be a man” each time a male starts expressing his emotions. Although men are diagnosed with depression at half the rate of women, men are three to four times more likely to die by suicide. To understand things properly: neither gender is inherently mentally stronger; mental strength is a complex trait influenced by factors like experiences, personality and resilience, not gender.
When it comes to relationships, both genders cheat. Putting all the burden on one gender is escaping responsibility and letting only one gender deal with it.
The Supreme Court of India also raised an alarm over fake domestic violence cases. The apex court called it “concerning”, seeing the number of fake cases filed against partners under Section 498A of the IPC. The section had become a major tool of harassment against husbands and their families, with husbands having no law to protect themselves. As per NCRB data alone, in 2022, 34,662 cases filed by women were found to be fake.
Men, too, have emotions, and they, too, want to be heard. It’s better that we actually start considering men as human beings, just as we consider women. The time is not far when we may be forced to start “Menism” to safeguard men.
(Raqif Makhdoomi is a law student and rights activist. Ideas are personal.)
