by Palveen Kour
Infertility is a medical condition, not a woman’s failure; the greater harm comes from social stigma, blame, emotional abuse and marriages lacking compassion and support
In many societies, infertility is often described as one of the greatest curses a couple can face. However, the real curse is not infertility itself. The true curse is the way society treats those who experience it, especially women.
It is shocking that while society mourns the absence of a child, it rarely pauses to acknowledge the emotional, psychological, and physical suffering of the woman who is forced to carry the burden of blame every single day. A woman struggling with infertility battles not only medical challenges but also judgement, discrimination, and loneliness. From relatives asking intrusive questions to neighbours making insensitive comments, every gathering becomes a reminder of what society believes she lacks. Instead of receiving empathy, she is often met with pity, criticism, and unsolicited advice. Her identity is reduced to a single question: “When will you have a child?”
Sadly, people often think that infertility is the woman’s problem. The truth is that it can be because of the man, the woman, both of them, or sometimes we just do not know why. Still, in homes, the woman gets blamed for everything. People call her “unlucky”, say she is “incomplete”, or even “cursed”. At the same time, they do not want to think that the man might be the one with the problem because they want him to seem strong.
The hurtful things that people say can be even worse than the problem itself. Women get tired of being teased, compared to other women, and reminded that they are not mothers. This can make them feel really bad about themselves. Even happy times like festivals and family gatherings can be upsetting because they know people will ask them questions or judge them. After a while, all this can make women feel anxious, depressed, and worthless. They might even stop seeing their friends.
It can be more hurtful when husbands do not support their wives. Marriage is supposed to be about working and trusting each other. Many women have to go through tough times by themselves. Instead of being kind, some husbands get upset and frustrated or listen to what their family says. They stop talking to their wives and just argue all the time. The love they once shared turns into blame. Every time they try a treatment and it does not work, they fight some more. This can leave scars that never heal.
In families, people can be really tough on women when they do not have kids. The woman’s in-laws often get upset and take it out on her. They want her to have babies so badly that they make her go to the doctor a lot. They never tell the husband to get checked. Sometimes things get really bad. The woman is told that her husband will leave her if she does not have kids. They say he should marry someone else. This is not the woman’s fault. It is just that people are not being kind.
Divorce can be a sad thing that happens to women who cannot have kids. Some people think that if a woman cannot have kids, it is her fault. So they get divorced. The woman is blamed for something she cannot control. She got married because she wanted someone to be with. Then she is left all alone. She has to start her life over and deal with a lot of pain. The divorce is not because of the infertility. It is because the people in the relationship do not care about each other or talk to each other.
Weirdly, society thinks being a mum is the only thing a woman can be. They forget that women are people too. A woman is not a mum. She is a person with feelings, thoughts, and dreams. You should not judge a woman by whether or not she can have kids. Infertility is a problem that women face, and women who face infertility are still women. They are still kind, smart, and strong. Women who face infertility are not defined by infertility. They are defined by who they are as people. If you only see a woman as a mum, you are not seeing her as a person. You are taking away her dignity and humanity. Women who face infertility are women. They deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.
Medical science has advanced tremendously, offering treatments such as fertility medications, assisted reproductive technologies, adoption, and surrogacy for some families. Yet no medical advancement can heal the wounds created by social stigma. Emotional support, understanding, and acceptance are often as important as medical treatment. All women experiencing infertility deserve compassion instead of criticism, encouragement instead of judgement, and unconditional love instead of rejection.
Changing this reality requires collective responsibility. Families must replace blame with empathy. Husbands must become partners rather than spectators in the fertility journey. Communities should stop asking intrusive questions and instead create environments where couples feel safe discussing their struggles without fear of ridicule. Healthcare providers should also recognise the emotional burden of infertility and provide psychological support alongside medical care.
In some cases, the consequences are even more devastating. Driven by the desire for a biological child and encouraged by societal expectations, some husbands choose to enter a second marriage, believing that replacing their wife will solve the problem. Such decisions raise an uncomfortable but necessary question: What kind of love is this? Is love so fragile that it survives only as long as a woman can bear children? If a marriage is built solely on a woman’s ability to conceive, then it is not a relationship founded on love, but on conditions. True love is not tested when life is easy; it is revealed when life becomes difficult. It is reflected in the courage to stand beside one’s partner, to face pain together, and to choose companionship over convenience. A woman deserves to be loved for who she is, not valued only for her ability to become a mother.
Ultimately, infertility is not the greatest curse. The greatest curse is a society that values a woman’s womb more than her well-being, that blames her for circumstances beyond her control, that remains silent while she suffers emotional abuse, and that allows marriages to crumble because compassion is replaced with prejudice. A woman facing infertility does not need society’s judgement. She needs understanding. She does not need whispers behind her back. She needs someone to listen. She does not need blame. She needs support.
When society finally learns to value women for who they are rather than for whether they become mothers, infertility will no longer be treated as a sentence of shame. It will be recognised for what it truly is: a medical condition that deserves care, compassion, respect, and understanding. The day we stop measuring a woman’s worth by her ability to bear a child will be the day we finally begin to call ourselves a truly compassionate society.
(The author is a postgraduate student pursuing a Master’s degree in Biotechnology. Ideas are personal.)
