by Syed Majid Gilani
Marriage requires careful observation of character, family, and mutual respect; love, honesty, and choice are essential for a peaceful, lasting union.
My dear Sahil,
I have lived through forty-nine autumns. The grey in my hair is not from the sun but from life’s lessons, challenges, and reflections. Each grey strand tells a story of patience and endurance. Along the way, I have met all kinds of people, kind and cruel, honest and deceitful. Many show one face in public and another in private. Remember, appearances can often be misleading.
Now, you are about to enter marriage. I do not intend to preach, but only to share what life has taught me. Marriage is not a small step. It is more than the union of two individuals; it brings together two families, their values, and their honour. So be careful before you give your heart and your future to someone.
Begin with the girl herself. Is she patient, kind, and respectful? Notice how she treats elders, how she speaks, and how she cares for her family. Do not rush into engagement or marriage. Take your time to decide. Ensure she truly wishes to spend her life with you freely, and not under pressure. If you doubt her sincerity, talk to her openly. If her heart is not with you, it is better to step away early, even if it hurts now, than to spend a lifetime in unhappiness.
Look also at her family, especially her mother. How does she treat her husband and in-laws? Does she value family ties or neglect them? A girl often mirrors the home she comes from, especially her mother’s ways. These habits usually carry into her married life.
I have seen households fall apart because balance and respect were missing. Some individuals give priority only to their parental homes, while ignoring their spouse’s family. Such attitudes create distance and unrest. I have seen men work tirelessly to build homes, only to find their spouses more interested in property than in love. I have witnessed disputes spiral into courts even when no fault was committed. Loving husbands, loyal and sincere, have often suffered because their devotion was not valued.
Too often, men are reduced to mere providers, their feelings dismissed. They become silent sufferers, enduring neglect while their sacrifices go unnoticed. Sahil, ensure that the girl you marry has no harmful habits or addictions. Sadly, substance abuse is not rare today. This is not suspicion but precaution, to protect your future peace.
Never give more than you receive, and never remain in a relationship where love is one-sided. Patience and sacrifice cannot manufacture love or respect if the heart is ruled by pride or hatred. Love must be mutual, loyalty must be earned. Protect your dignity and peace. If these are missing, walk away with grace. Better to bear a moment’s pain than a lifetime of sorrow.
When marriage is built on honesty, trust, and care, it can be one of life’s greatest blessings. But if founded on lies or greed, it slowly erodes peace. I have seen good men lose themselves because their love was never valued. They gave everything yet were treated only as providers, not partners.
A man who sets boundaries and insists on respect finds peace. But one who tolerates too much loses his worth. Words are ignored, kindness is misunderstood, and even the greatest care can be taken for granted. Never let fear or humiliation rule your life. True love and loyalty come freely, never by force. Those who care will stand by you without being asked.
Live by the values you believe in. Protect your peace. Give love where it is returned. Never beg for affection, care, or respect. In real life, it is rare to win the heart of a spouse who does not love you. That only happens in films like Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi. Reality is harsher; love and respect must exist from the beginning.
And finally, be certain that the girl chooses you of her own free will. I have known men whose marriages were arranged against their wives’ wishes. The resentment ruined their homes. Marriage without choice often turns bitter and cruel.
So, step into this new chapter with open eyes and a calm heart. Watch carefully, act wisely. When you find a woman of true character, honour, and gentle nature, then build your home on respect and truth. Protect your dignity and self-respect. Only then will your love remain safe, and your home become a place of peace.
With all my care, respect, and prayers for your journey.
(The author is a Srinagar-based writer. Ideas are personal.)
