At a time when Kashmir’s two main political parties were trying to have an electoral alliance, Syed Batool Andrabi reports a story of a young couple that separated because of the political polarisation between the two families making their lone daughter bear the costs
In Kashmir’s Budgam town, Farah attends school with a heavy heart. Her teacher notices her sombre mood and gently asks if anything is wrong, but Farah hesitates to share her burden in the classroom. After the lesson, the teacher takes Farah aside, determined to understand what troubles her. They start with a light conversation, discussing Farah’s favourite cartoon show and eventually her favourite parent, to coax out the source of her distress.
Finally, Farah admits, “Mama is my favourite parent, and I miss her.” The teacher, concerned, steps closer and asks softly, “Where is your Mama? Has she gone somewhere?” Tears fill Farah’s eyes as she responds, “Mama left us. She has left Baba and me, that is why Daadi (grandmother) does not like Mama.” The revelation takes aback the teacher.
Upon learning Farah’s story, the teacher is deeply moved by the painful separation her parents have endured. “I was shocked when I learned what had happened to them,” the teacher said.
“Farah is a bright student, but her sorrow is evident in her eyes. She has always excelled in her activities, and her overall performance is above average. But how could a child her age be happy when separated from her mother?”
An Early Separation
Farah’s parents, who wish to remain anonymous, were deeply in love and determined to build a life together. However, the staunch political allegiances of their families created an insurmountable barrier. Farah’s mother’s father is a panchayat sarpanch affiliated with the Jammu and Kashmir National Conference (JKNC).
“We liked each other from college days and always wanted to get married and have a family together,” Farah’s mother said.
As the talk walked, the revelation came that the groom’s family were ardent supporters of the People’s Democratic Party (PDP). There were tensions initially.
Despite the obstacles they faced, they eventually married. “Our marriage was always a problem for our families,” asserts Farah’s mother.
“If they had a problem, they could have resisted our marriage,” adds Farah’s father. “We are adults—we can bear the pain. But what about our daughter? How will she live with this?” he asked, his voice concerned.
Challenges, Sacrifices
When Farah’s mother was pregnant, her family urged her to abort the baby. Upon her refusal, her brother kicked her in the stomach. Desperate, she called her husband, who revealed that his family, too, was trying to force her out, along with the unborn child.
“It was incredibly difficult for me to save my baby from being aborted,” Farah’s mother recalled. “I fought hard to give birth because this baby was my husband’s lifeline. He counted the days from the moment I conceived.”
Then her family threw the new tantrums. “My family made me promise that I would give up our baby once it was born,” the distraught mother recalled. “They wanted my husband to keep the child so they could marry me off again.”
Despite these hardships, Farah’s father, who had no political affiliation, treated his wife with great care. “When Farah was born, he spent 70 per cent of his salary feeding the poor as sadqah for his daughter. However, his relatives disapproved of his love for his wife and child,” the mother stated.
“I was not allowed to meet my husband, and the same was true for him—he was not even permitted to see his daughter.”
“We used to meet in a local park when I would tell my family that I had to go to the tailor,” she continued. Her husband would bring gifts for their daughter and wife, which she would discreetly hide in her bag.
Separation and Divorce
When Farah’s father’s family insisted, he divorce his wife, he questioned what would become of his daughter. “I could understand their hatred towards my wife, but I could not fathom how they could be so indifferent towards my daughter,” he reflects.
Farah’s father recalls asking his mother why they would tear apart their family. She responded, “It is not my decision. Your father must show his face in public. How could we have the daughter of our rivals in our home while we tell others to be resolute in supporting this party? It would be unfair; we have been loyal to it from the start.”
“Life has been tough ever since our divorce. I have not spoken to my father or mother since I signed the papers,” he stated.
“My life has fallen apart. Everyone has a right to live their dream life. I was forced to give up on mine.”
Emotional Toll
“People say blood is thicker than water, but I have witnessed my blood relations tearing my heart apart,” Farah’s father lamented. “I cannot believe my family could do this to me. My daughter asks about her mother, and I do not know how to answer her questions.”
The opposing political party has been so demonised that the notion of one’s adult child marrying someone aligned with it is simply inconceivable. The polarised political divide is evident in the news, where it plays out with disturbing regularity.
“I have neither kith nor kin to listen to me,” he said. “Worn down by pain, I have no direction in life. I am utterly overwhelmed.”
Farah’s aunt admires her sister’s strength and patience in coping with the situation. She acknowledges that life will be challenging for Farah, who is now living with her father and grandparents.
Farah’s father expresses his deep anguish. “I am not a good human being. I ruined Farah’s life, I ruined her mother’s life, and I did nothing different to mine, all to protect my family’s so-called name and fame.” Farah’s mother echoes this pain, adding, “Farah is living with her father and grandparents. Only Allah knows how she is being treated. I was forced to give up my daughter. I will never forgive our families, never.”
“I have been witnessing their distress for a long time,” says Ateeqa, a friend of Farah’s mother.
“They were always loyal and devoted to each other. I could not believe this could happen to a couple who thought so highly of one another,” she added.
“In today’s world, it is difficult to find a loyal partner for life. Despite their loyalty, they could not make it. It is all destiny, and no one can challenge destiny,” Ateeqa remarked.
“My family wants me to marry again,” revealed Farah’s mother.
Political Polarisation
Political disagreements have the power to tear families apart, with countless examples of political affiliations causing rifts between siblings, parents, and children. In Farah’s case, not only has a couple been separated due to politics, but a child’s life has been profoundly affected.
Political polarisation exerts a significant impact on the social and emotional fabric of families.
According to some political analysts, political loyalty can take a heavy toll on personal lives.
In Kashmir, the political landscape is distinct from the rest of the country. Despite being a conflict zone, Kashmir has always seen a fervent interest in politics, with people from all social classes deeply engaged. The personal lives of many have been disrupted by such loyalties, as exemplified by Farah’s parents. Numerous other cases reveal similar patterns—whether it is a young couple, an elderly pair, a father and son, or siblings, many Kashmiri families have been torn apart due to differences in political opinions.
For many, politics has become increasingly personal and divisive. As the election approaches, more instances of familial friction are likely to emerge.
Divisions at Ground Zero
The familial tensions triggered by the politics over the decades. Initially, it was Sher Bakra division a division that prevented people from crossing the political borders within parts of Srinagar city. These were the divisions between JKNC and the Mirwaiz-led Awami Action Committee. This division was eventually managed in 1983 when Dr Farooq Abdullah initiated the Double Farooq Accord by offering certain seats to the Mirwaiz.
This division was running parallel to another societal division between Congress and JKNC. It was at its peak between 1953 and 1975. The division was so fierce that some people were not given space for burial in their ancestral graveyards. There were many divorces based on this division as the JKNC would address the Congressmen as Gandi Naali Kay Keaday (the gutter worms).
However, the situation changed post-1975 accord when Sheikh Abdulah became the leader of the Congress-dominated house and was given the oath of office as the Chief Minister. Barring a brief tension after the death of Sheikh, the two parties have always been considered to be the ideological allies of each other. As Jammu and Kashmir is going to polls for the first time in 10 years, the two parties would be contesting jointly.
Off late, the JKNC-PDP divide on the ground level is getting too deep. However, it has not prevented the marriages between the members of the two parties. Early August, Omar Abdullah and his two sons accompanied their party’s DDC member and the baraat was received by Mehbooba Mufti, whose close confidant’s daughter was the bride. While the leaders know the art of separating their politics from their lives, the politicians invest too much negatively on the ground that it disrupts their lives.
(Names have been changed or withheld)
