Curfews and shutdowns have forced Kashmiris to go for simple austere marriages. But not many are complaining. Instead they advocate for austerity as a trend. Ikhlaq Qadri reports.
Abdul Khaliq, a resident of Khanyar is jubilant as he stands at the entrance of his home to receive his newlywed daughter and son-in-law on their first visit after marriage.
Khaliq’s daughter was married in third week of July amid strikes and curfew like restrictions in the valley. The situation forced the family to go for a simple low profile event.
“Around 200 invitation cards were printed but only few of them could be circulated because of the situation,” says Khaliq’s son Aijaz.
Invitation was cancelled and Nikah performed in “trouble-free and dignified manner,” he said.
Like most people in Kashmir, the family had plans of a grand affair. But now they are more than happy with the way things turned out.
Khaliq had raised his children single handedly after they lost their mother at an early age and says he had been saving for his daughter’s marriage for a long time.
“Her marriage was my long cherished dream. I was disappointed when I had to cancel the function. But now I understand that spending sumptuously is not only way to express love and belonging ness. There are other ways as well which are boon and not bane,” said Khaliq.
He admits that a luxurious affair sets bad precedents for the economically weaker sections.
“Simplicity should be maintained in all ways. Cancelling the feast only is not going to serve the cause,” said Khaliq.
Like Khaliq’s family, many others were forced by the turbulent situation to cancel grand plans. Prolonged curfews and shutdowns have consumed most of the peak marriage season.
“We had an estimate of 11 quintals of mutton for the ceremony. After cancelled invitations only 1.5 quintals were used,” says Shafat Hamdani of interior Srinagar who got married few days back.
He has reasons to be happy about the development. “My major expenses were evaded. I thank Almighty. I am business man, and everyone is aware of the condition, how come I could have been able to clear my debt,” Shafat explains.
“We Kashmiris have a problem that we never appreciate the good gesture and go to any extent and put ourselves in unnecessary trouble,” he adds.
Javid Ahmad of Tengpora, whose sister was married in first week of July in similar circumstances, calls it a blessing in disguise. He says the family saved family around Rs 2 lakh.
Marriages are elaborate affairs in Kashmir involving huge expenses on customs, gifts and the feast. Many say the current austere practices need to be turned into a permanent feature.
“The adversity we have been going through, especially the current one should lend us a platform to make a start, and help us grow morally, socially, culturally and economically,” says Zahoor Ahmad, an engineer.
“Tradition is fine, but we should not turn it into a curse by making it difficult. It should be kept simpler, like keeping limited the wazwan dishes,” he said.
Dr Mansoor Ahmad of Chadoora, a physician specialist working in Goa came home for his marriage in July.
“The cancellation of the party has saved our family around 60 percent in monetary terms, over and above the trauma which the grand feast leads to. Arrangements and all that,” says Dr Manzoor.
After experiencing the simple austere way of marriage, many find it worthwile.
“Next time I will limit the invitation to close relations only. It is better to plan from beginning, than cancelling later on.
Let us accept this as the way of life,” says Muhammad Yousuf of Natipora, who recently performed the marriage of his daughter.
Muhammad Abdullah of Chewa Safapora also had to cancel invitation on the marriage ceremony of his daughter recently. He also advocates for austerity in normal circumstances.
“The evils in our system are mainly because we are blindly competing with each other, no matter what the cost is? We resort to all illegal means to dominate others and show off false prestige which ultimately engulfs us,” explains Abdullah.
He adds the money spend lavishly should be diverted to build educational institutions, specialty hospitals, and community work.
If austerity has helped many save money, it has also meant bad business for the associated trade.
Abdul Majeed, owner of Famous Camping Agency lost his peak business season to the cancellations. He says that cancelling the party is not the only way to make marriages austere.
“What is exchanged under the carpet should be taken care of,” said Majeed referring to the dowry and gifts exchanged in marriage.
“Not only I, all the people who are dependent on my work are in shatters,” he added.
Owais Wani, a distributor of marriage ceremony related items in Bohri Kadal says 75 per cent of the business has been washed by the cancellations. The chefs are similarly complaining.
“It has impacted us a lot. The best way is to arrange feast but with limited number of dishes,” said Nazir Ahmad, a chef (Waza) in Naid Kadal Srinagar.
Nazir says that there is no social harm in grand feast (wazwan) provided done reasonably. “It keeps us in touch with our relatives. The things that erode society are things done away from the public gaze, like that of dowry,” he said.
According to some social experts, the huge spending on the marriage ceremonies, be it on feasts or dowry and gifts, is an important contributor to corruption in the society. Kashmir is considered one the highly corrupt states in India.
Despite people advocating austerity, not many think the trend can pick up, once things get normal.
Srinagar resident Mushtaq Ahmad’s daughter was engaged this summer, and the marriage is planned for next year.
“Let us be candid in acknowledging the fact that, we don’t practice, what we talk. This time the external force have made marriages simple, but is it going to be like this when the conditions are encouraging, is a million dollar question?” says Ahmad.
He however adds, that he will keep the marriage ceremony of his daughter “simple and dignified”.
Noted Kashmiri poet and social activist Zareef Ahmad Zareef views things differently.
“Kashmiris have never capitalized the opportunity. They just revert once the compelling forces are withdrawn,” said Zareef.
“Right from Mughal rule to uprising in 1990s, there has been change in timing of marriage from day to night and vice versa. Kashmiri Pundits and Muslims accepted the day function under Durrani rule because of loots during nights, but under Sikhs rule, Muslims reverted to late night practice, while Pundits continued with the day practice as the late night functions were cumbersome,” explains Zareef.
Sociologists do not see the trend gaining ground either.
“This (austerity) is outcome of emergency. If this is done consciously then only the change will be persistent, otherwise there is every possibility that the regular practice will pop up again,” said Sociologist, Dr. Bashir Ahmad Dabla.
However Dabla adds that austerity in marriages is Kashmir society is highly desirable.
The Humsafar Marriage council centre founded by the Islamic Dawa Centre, Chattabal has solemnized more than 900 marriages in austere manner. Many of the clients are well qualified. Fayaz Ahmad Zaroo, Chairman of the counseling centre is optimistic.
“Our office is closed these days because of the situation. But we are getting phone many more calls than we get in normal days. People even visit my home, and enquire about the details,” says Zaroo.
“We hope when normalcy will return, this practice of solemnizing marriage with austerity will be a regular trend, Insha Allah!” says Zaroo.
