Wheel, Wails And Veil

For Azi it hardly mattered how her son died or whose fire actually killed him. All she knew was that her beloved was gone. Hassan’s death made Azi go back to her spinning wheel. It was her only solace. Within days of Hassan’s death his second wife left too. Now it was Azi, her daughter Fehmeeda and her granddaughter Irqa left in the house.

Azi wished that her elder son would come back. But he never did. He just started visiting the family on and off after Hassan’s death but then those visits ceased abruptly.  The once grand house was again silent. There was no male member in the house, just three ladies, who were separated by generation but bonded by their tragedies.

Iqra, who is in her second year of graduation, grew up amid uncertain future and tragedies. First it was her mother who left her when she was just a toddler. Then came her father’s second wife who tried to fill the gap but it too was short lived. But it was her father’s killing that left Iqra shattered.

After Hassan’s death DD Srinagar gave his kin a compensation of five lakh rupees. But before Hassan’s second wife left she made sure that she gets her share. She took half of the compensation money and within months remarried. Rest was despotised in Iqra’s bank account which helps her pursue her studies.

“It really hurts to know that my mother left me when I was a kid,” says Iqra. “I too dream of a happy family but with my father’s death that dream is now incomplete forever,” says Iqra amid sobs.

After completing her 10th standard examination from a local government school, Iqra wanted to study medicine. “Like other students I too wanted to appear for PMT (pre-medical test). But for that I had to attend coaching classes which I could not afford,” says Iqra in a matter of fact manner.

Keeping her financial situation in mind Iqra opted for commerce instead.  But commerce too proved to be a costly affair for Iqra. The subject sounded Greek to her. “I attended two classes after my college hours. And on both occasions I reached home late. This worried my grandmother and aunt as they feared something bad will happen to me,” says Iqra.

Finally Iqra chose to pursue her graduation in arts. “I have heard that arts student doesn’t need any coaching classes,” says Iqra.

Two years back Iqra finally met her estranged mom and maternal uncles. It was not a tearful reunion as thought by Iqra’s relatives. “I had no memory of my mother or any other relatives from her side. So I went with an open mind,” says Iqra.

But for Iqra it is her aunt Fehmeeda who plays an important role in her life. “She loved me more than my real mother could have,” says Iqra.

One of the reasons Fahmeeda never thought of having her own family was Iqra. “She wanted me to have all the love that my mother never gave me,” says Iqra.

Both Iqra and Fehmeeda run the house while Azi spends her days at her wheel.

“My aunt (Fehmeeda) is an expert. Despite being blind she takes care of all household chores,” says Iqra.

Fehmeeda who is born blind knows every single corner of her house. She moves about the house like she can see everything. The small kitchen garden which is just opposite where Azi’s sits behind her spinning wheel is maintained by Fehmeeda.

“She can cook all Kashmiri delicacies without anybody’s help,” claims Iqra.

Azi does not recognize anybody except her daughter Fehmeeda and granddaughter Iqra. Her bits and pieces of memory are her only companions. “Life is more complex and difficult then death,” said Azi addressing nobody in particular.